I don’t really have it in me to deliberately set out to be clever, but on a recent outing to a picturesque area located in the Palos Verdes Peninsula with its unstable geological conditions it just hit me. This outing relates to where Jay and I (and our family) are right now. We are living on unstable ground.
I am more comfortable talking about the history and unique geographical phenomena of this area than the personal bumps. So we’ll start there.
Our daughter and son-in-law once lived in this general part of Los Angeles County, and suggested we begin a recent Friday with breakfast in Manhattan Beach, about 25 miles from our home. And from that point, we headed a bit further south to enjoy the stunning coastal cliffs, rugged terrain, and panoramic ocean views.
This particular day Catalina Island was “reach out and touch” close.
Portuguese Bend is an informal but well-used name for an area that first received its designation from the 19th century Portuguese whalers. One of the notable features is its unstable geological conditions, the land prone to landslides and erosion due to steep cliffs and unstable soil composition.
Southern California has recently experienced record breaking rain and this area of Los Angeles, already struggling with geological instability, has been particularly challenged.
Piping water above ground in this area of Palos Verdes Peninsula provides utilities minimal risk of water damage and pipeline risk due to constant ground movement.
The highway is wavy! Maintenance construction on this stretch of road is continual and yet despite the challenges posed by its geological instability, it remains a popular destination for hiking, sightseeing and enjoying nature. Several hiking trails wind through the area and coastline views are breathtaking.
Overall, Portuguese Bend offers a unique blend of natural beauty, recreational opportunities, and a rich history, making it a cherished destination along the Southern California coastline.
Whenever I’m feeling stressed I do my best to access an ocean view. I’m completely at home and at rest when I’m near the Pacific Ocean, and although we don’t live in a beach city, we are close enough to make this happen when I need it.
As our son-in-law functioned as our chauffeur and we navigated these twists and turns, car bouncing with bumps up and down along severely rippled asphalt, I couldn’t help but draw a direct comparison to life currently under our roof.
I have previously alluded to health issues and generalized “troubles,” but it’s been difficult for me to discern when and if I would amplify sharing more details with you, my blogging friends. As I’ve pulled back from regularly meeting you in this social arena I have heard from some of you in private messaging, noting my absence.
For the past two years Jay has been in treatment for a very aggressive Cancer.It is hard to have a blog titled “Breathelighter” and then to share the incongruent ups and downs of Cancer treatment. No one enjoys these “conversations.”
We are so fortunate to have an abundant and robust support “team” of friends and family. Jay is currently being treated at UCLA Medical Center in addition to his more local oncologist and medical team, and whenever we need help we can call on others. It is also a blessing and HUGE personal benefit that daughter Aimee is an experienced nurse. Having her to consult and advise and care for her dad is incredibly supportive. Priceless, really.
And so, as I share this personal “state of our union,” I also release you, my blogging friends from the discomfort of searching for how to respond. I know you wish us well. And really, there are no words. I don’t intend to turn this blog into a medical journal.
One very wise friend responded when I shared some of the more ludicrous and tone deaf conversations that occasionally slip through the net, “I usually just say I’m sorry and then what can I do to help?” Believe me, that response is perfect in these situations. Each of you likely knows someone close to you going through similarly difficult medical complexities. Try to remember this phrase. It is much preferred to thinking you have to say more and then stumbling around a topic that is painfully awkward for everyone.
There really are no words, and yet I like to share. So you’ll still be meeting me in these pages, and I am confident that despite the fact that illness and all that comes with it do hijack our days, spring is coming, and we’ll find ways to enjoy our friends, family, and the best of Southern California living.
And I will likely want to tell you about it.
breathelighter 
I think of you and yours often. You know you have all the warm wishes. You are a force of nature, one of the powerhouses in our world. Sending gentle virtual hugs to you, Jay and all the family. You can do this. Keep talking to us, if it helps xx
Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful response, Fiona. Truthfully, I think of you often, too, and I recall your advocacy commitment on behalf of rare diseases, with your personal connection to the cause. There is an uncomfortable club that exists for people who have been exposed to life’s fragility by living with catastrophic illness. Your virtual hug feels warm and comforting. Thank you, my friend. ❤️
I am happy to see you back in the blogosphere but so sorry to learn the reason behind your absence. I like your friend’s suggested response to another’s personal challenges. I struggled to find the most kind, sensitive, and supportive words for a neighbor just last week. I think I was able to say the right thing, but it is hard to fully grasp another’s pain.
Hugs to you.
I’m noticing today, Janis, that my previous response to your kind and affirming message did not post. I don’t know where it went. But I do want to thank you for kindly sharing, and also to say that I am confident you were supportive to your neighbor. These times of great stress due to medical emergencies, or any family emergency, really, don’t require much from others. I’d say that being a good listener is paramount, and I’m sure that fits who you are! Thank you for the hug!
Hello my beautiful friend. I am there, where you’re coming from. Of course. You and I share so many views and attitudes, even before the hideousness of the medical nightmare – I couldn’t NOT be there.
A wonderful analogy, Deb; because neither thing is always bad, but both are threatening in the long term.
There isn’t anything I can say that can be of practical help; but you know we out here in your blogging life are thinking of you all. And I believe that in these times one of the best things is to have company that makes no demands.
That’s me. That’s us.
I have thought of you so often in this journey, M-R, because I KNOW you understand like few others in my life. It’s somehow a sisterhood we now share, and I do draw strength from your support. I appreciate your very kind response. ❤️
When I was being treating for cancer I always found myself being drawn to a place where I can see the ocean. There is just something there – comfort, courage, power, peace … I don’t know, something.
and yes, the weird comments you get.
You know, if I can ever compile a list of some of the comments that we’ve fielded I think I could publish them as a “Don’t Say This” book. Some are downright hilarious! Maybe that’s why I find the dogs and the ocean really good company these days. 😉 The ocean is an excellent companion. Thank you, Andrew.
Once again do I wish we would live closer. I would visit you and offer you what a friend offered me. “Do you want to yell, scream, punch someone, or talk. I am here.”
It made me laugh. These days, I ask people who deal with cancer -one way or another- the same question someone asked me when my husband had so unexpected open heart surgery. “What do you need right now.” It’s surprising what you actually need when you take care of someone you love. It’s surprising to hear what the cancer patient needs too.
Be strong, as I know you are and when you feel like screaming, do it outside during a thunderstorm, try to be louder. Goodness, it feels good. 🙂
Last but not least, I think we should all openly talk about the health struggles we face, may it be ours or the ones of people we love. It’s still such a taboo subject. That’s why we are so helpless and don’t know what to say.
Hang in there my friend!
I think that having gone through what you did with your husband’s major surgery and recovery, and your own illness, Bridget, gives you insight into the struggles. I try to be very patient with a few friends who have been a little tone deaf, because I recognize that I likely didn’t “get it” either, until we had our own circumstances. I think the best gift to others is always just a good listening ear, and maybe an occasional invitation to have a conversation that requires that listening. I wish you lived closer, too, but I truly accept your friendship from a distance, and thank you! I know you care.
I have been thinking about you quite often, but you know that 🙂
Sending love and hugs to you and the family. No words, just hugs and love. Blessings 💕
I’ll take the love and hugs! Thank you! ❤️
Life, like time, flows in a single stream. We cannot double back, detour around rough patches, or request a “do-over.” There’s no “rewind” button. We cannot press “pause.”This is IT. We live it . . . or we miss it.
Hope Jay hits the big C “out of the park” and all the way to Catalina Island!
Keep Breathing!
Thank you, Nancy. It is true that we go through times we’d love to avoid, but cannot. I am indeed continuing to focus on my breath! I give myself more pauses in the day to offset some of the strength. Amazing how that helps! 😉
Beautifully shared. As I tune in to your words and listen to the ocean’s various sounds from my own memories, it takes me to its similarity with life. Sometimes the soft ebb and flow, ripples at others, while at other times harsh and crashing. The ocean holds life and I send love and hugs for to you breathe it all in, even when inland.
What beautiful ocean memories, and the ebb and flow is a perfect variation on life’s themes. We all go through these times of heartache. All of us! This is just our time. And I appreciate your thoughtful words, love and hugs!
That’s quite a road you have there! In more senses than one. Your comments should be full of ‘I’m sorry, how can I help?’ and I suppose, in a way, they are. Sending hugs, Debbie. If I could help in any way, I would.
Thank you, Jo. I don’t know why my previous “thank you” did not post, but I appreciate your thoughtfulness. This is a rough time…I appreciate all hugs! 🥰
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The way you used the unstable ground of Portuguese Bend to lead into personal information is pure you. So in that sense, I smiled. On the other hand, my heart is heavy for you – but I can tell you are trying to keep your chin up. Thanks for sharing. Be strong, Debra – be strong!
I’m so sorry to see that my response to you at least two days ago did not post! I have no idea where it went. This happened with someone else as well. But I do want to thank you for your kind words. I have known you for a long time, and I really do appreciate your friendship. That’s probably what we most need right now–just to know that others care. And you do, so thank you!
Thanks, Debra …. and sorry to learn about the WP Gnomes attack on your comments. Keep smiling … and be strong.
Sendings love and hugs.
Thank you so much Mimi. I’ll take the love and hugs, gladly! ❤️
Sharing is a gift and is always accepted as such.
so well said!
Thank you, Jim. I appreciate your thoughtful comment. I have some wonderful friendships that come from this blogging experience. Meaningful!
Dear Debra, how beautifully you describe the instability in life, with the visual of the road and the personal reveal. Thinking of your family and sending lots of love your way.
Thank you for for the encouragement and loving wishes! It is comforting to be able to share and to know that others care, so I am most grateful! ❤️
Having had cancer myself, I know where you are both coming from. It is not only hard for the person trying to support you, it is hard to put our friends in that position in the first place. Neither person knows quite what to say. One thing I feel strong about is that I do think prayers help. Maybe they can’t help cure someone but they can help us deal with each day. I will say a pray for your whole family.
Karen, I responded to you a day or so ago and it didn’t post! I could do a whole other post on the instability of technology. But I’m very sorry to learn that you’ve also been through the particular challenges and fears that accompany a cancer diagnosis. You do know where we are coming from! Prayer is a very important part of our lives, too, Karen, so thank you for sharing that. I we are grateful for your prayers. ❤️
Thanks for sharing, Debra. I will be with you in prayer during these difficult days ❤
The Palos Verdes Peninsula is an excellent getaway for centering oneself when on unstable ground. My son enjoys cycling in the area.
Thank you, Rosaliene, and I do not say that lightly! Prayer is an important part of our lives and having you remember us in this way means a great deal! And your son would definitely impress me! That is a tough cycling area. Good for him! Thank you, my friend. ❤️
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I’ll say it anyway… Thoughts are with you all 😎👍 And what an amazing set of views to use as an analogy for your situation. There is so much to tell about the area and I’m sure you will when you have the time. But for now you have to spend some healing time together – Jay is an old railman and, I’m sure, as hard as Iron Rails. Together you will work through this! 🙏
Thank you, Martin. We really appreciate the kind words of encouragement, and there’s a lot going on, but Jay and I have been married for 52 years and as such, we are a tight unit! There is nothing more important to me right now than being by his side. I’m sure you understand that. Thank you, my friend.
Aw crap! I was hoping you were gallivanting around the world! Your blogging friends are always with you. Hugs.
Your exclamation is just perfect, Kate! It’s been a rough time, and I have wanted to share, but really had to get my “sea legs” first. 😉 I’m grateful for this wonderful and supportive community. I draw strength from the well wishes. Thank you! ❤️
Debra, thank you for sharing your personal and painful journey. My heart goes out to both of you. I hope Jay’s treatments aren’t too harsh and that the protocol is improving his feelings of well-being. It all sounds really hard! It’s good to hear that you have a caring circle of friends you can call on. I’m not at all surprised. You are a gracious and generous blogger. I’m sure all of your readers are with you. xo
Thank you so much, Alys. I do draw strength from the sense of community that comes with this lovely blogging circle. I am always caught in a bit of wonder that I can indeed feel the support of such disparate connections. It’s a wonder to me. And I thank you for your thoughts towards us. It has been a very hard time and continues to be, but we are really learning the value of living one day at a time. It’s taken me a long, long time to fully grasp why that is important. I’m a slow learner sometimes. 😉 Again, thank you, my friend. ❤️
Debra, it often takes a major life change to snap us back to the importance of day-to-day. I don’t think you’re a slow learner; we just need reminders from time to time to step out of the rut and focus on what’s important.
Our blogging community is really something. I’ve been enriched by these connections in many ways, just as you have. It’s extraordinary.
Love and hugs from me too! ❤ 🤗 🐶
Thank you, Uta. I know you have a real understanding, and I s appreciate the love and hugs. It means so much! ❤️
That is such terrible news Debra, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I can wholly understand the ocean thing… nature can soothe and heal, both physically and mentally. Sending you love and positive thoughts to get you through this. 💕🤗
It is a true help and benefit to me to be able to share with blogging friends who have known me for a long time. I really appreciate your sensitive comments and well wishes, Cathy. And yes, you know all about how nature affects our well-being. This weekend we’ve been watching the birds in our garden as spring is popping! It lifts our spirits. And there will be more ocean visits soon, I hope! ❤️
no words. . . Just virtual hugs.
Thank you, Ray. Those hugs are very much appreciated. They mean a lot!
So sorry to hear this news about Jay, Debra. Very best wishes and love to you and your family.
Thank you, Philip. This is a hard time, but we feel the support, and it’s wonderful how that kindness translates and gives us strength.
Beautifully expressed, Debra. I understand how difficult it is to put it in writing. Being close to nature is comforting, that can give us strength to go on in a difficult time. Sending you my love and hug. My prayers are with you. Thank you for staying in touch with us. 💗
Dear Debra. You and your Family and Jay are on my heart ❤️ May you get comfort every day weather it be from a dog a flower a precious note a smile a walk a scent of the beach. I see the c world as alittle c to give it less power . I have tried to mail a few cards they seem to come back . I have many found memories with you . my husband Don has also had an illness for 4 years now trouble with vocal cords and inflammation from a hernia they cannot operate. I still do pray for miracles and never give up ! Love and 🙏Debi