My experience with strict stay-at-home orders for the past eight months hasn’t been as difficult as I’d have thought. Each day moves quickly, bolstering my belief that time is an illusion.
I last left you in March with the information that my daughter, Aimee, was diagnosed with breast cancer, and since that announcement she’s been undergoing an aggressive treatment plan. In non-Covid times this would be challenging. Anyone currently navigating complex medical appointments deserves a merit badge.
I’ve learned a lot from being on the receiving end of friends with the gift of communicating compassion and support beyond anything I expected. Aimee is doing well, so it follows, as her mom, I am, too.
At different times in my life poetry has been important to me, and this poem, written by a favorite poet, Stanley Kunitz, is today’s offering. If he speaks to you, I’d love to hear.
If this isn’t for you today, you never know. Maybe another time.
The Layers
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not the litter.”
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
“In my darkest night, when the moon was covered and I roamed through wreckage,”
We have all been here, Debra.
I’m happy for you that Aimée is doing well; and happy to hear from you ..
Yes, my friend. You DO know, and I am so glad to be able to share this powerful poem. It really speaks to me, and I knew it would hold meaning for others. We do all know dark nights and “wreckage” comes to us all at some point in life, as well. Thank you for your very kind thoughts.
Oh Debra. Not only do I feel your journey over the past 6 months, this poem relates to all of us. Yes, maybe at different times and different circumstances – but this relates to all of us. Thank you …. Be strong! 🙂
I’m really glad you read the poem and it resonated, Frank. 2020 has been particularly complex for everyone, that I know. It’s helped me to know that when some days felt very long. We all have our tensions! Thank you, friend.
As I close my posts. Stay safe. Stay mighty.
Those are good words, Ray. Thank you!
I stole “stay mighty” from Mary Chapin Carpenter.
I like it!
So good to hear from you and with good news too. The poem is the song of life. He who can’t relate hasn’t lived.
“Song of life” is particularly apt, Kate. I really like that. This poem was written many years ago, but it felt very current to me!
And we always enjoy hearing from you, even when life has been unkind. None of us are done with our changes, until the end. But you handle them with grace and dignity, and hopefully, soon with a well daughter. God bless, Debbie! 🙂 🙂
Thank you, Jo. We’ve had a lot “on our plate” this year, but I haven’t known anyone who isn’t struggling with something right now. All is well. Good to hear from you. 🙂
I’m glad that Aimee is doing well . . . that should help you breathe lighter. 😀
Thanks for the happy update.
Thank you, Nancy. Breathing lighter, yes indeed!
Beautiful! And may I add that living in the layers has no expiration date!
>
True enough, Wanda! I’m glad you enjoyed the poem. It is one I’ve pondered for several months and each time I read, I find a new perspective. 🙂
Oh, it is good to hear from you Debra. And to hear your daughter is getting well again. I have thought of you often these past months. One line stands out in the poem for me… ‘When I look behind…’ I think if we look back at what we have been through and come through, and achieved, even in difficult times, this can give us immense strength for the future. All the best. xx
It is good to see your name and face in my feed, Cathy. I have missed my blogging friends. 🙂 And thank you for your kind thoughts. Some journeys feel longer than we might like, but they are necessary, and it’s definitely true that attitude in difficult times is key to getting through! I’m so glad you gained insight reading this poem. I felt it was very timely given current anxiety and turbulence. We will definitely ALL have stories when we look back on this year. Thank you for taking the time to stop by, my friend.
Amen. Be well; be safe; be kind.
Words to live by, Jim. Thank you!
Love this poem. Prayers for your daughter and she continues to get better through the toughest of times. All the best to you! Karen
I’m so glad you took the time to stop by and read this wonderful poem, Karen. I was hoping it would have appeal. And thank you, too, for the “well wishes.” We are sensing the encouragement coming from others, and that’s a gift.
I love that poem Debra. So lovely to hear from you. Thinking of you and Aimee.
It’s really lovely hear from you, too, Mary. I really think the poem is meaningful and speaks to so many of life’s “layers,” always, but particularly now. Thank you for your kind comment and thoughts towards us.
Thank you so much for the poem. I truly loved it. So glad to hear from you and happy to hear that you and Aimee are doing so well. It’s funny, I was just thinking of you this morning and opened my e-mail this morning and there you were. Wishing you and the family all the best.
I’m so glad you liked the poem, too, Catherine. Be well!
Just saw that my comment was sent my Anonymous. Leave it to me to do something wrong.
All the best my friend.
I’m just glad to see you stopped by. And also glad you identified yourself. 🙂
It’s good to hear from you Debra. The comment about doing well because your daughter is, speaks soundly as a parent. The poem is beautiful, but not as beautiful as hearing you are both doing well. ❤
Thank you so much, Colleen. I really am glad to “be back” and feeling able to share again. You are so kind.
You’re very welcome. ❤️
Beautiful poem! Your daughter and your family are in my prayers!
Michelle, thank you so much. What a kind comment. Prayer is the best gift we can receive.
There’s so much in that poem, Debra. I love it. Thankfully, we don’t walk alone in life. I’m so grateful for Aimee’s healing, and to you for sharing this.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the poem, too, Gail. And thank you for your love and support!
Great to hear that your Daughter’s treatment is progressing well. Thank you for sharing the Stanley Kunitz poem – I really enjoyed it and will look to read some more of his work. Our thoughts remain with you – Keep well 🙂
Excellent news about your daughter’s treatment. I would be the same as you. If my daughter is hurting, I am hurting. I think the saying is that you’re only as happy as your least happy child. But I love the poem you share with us here. We are full of layers and the more layers we have, the stronger and more blessed we are.
Hi Debra. I loved the poem. Just above my comment is roughwighting and Mancill and I say often that we as happy as our least happy child. I guess I haven’t seen it in print before!
Thank you for staying in touch and sharing your journey!
Love to you and Aimee💕💕💕
Thank you, Kathy. oxo
Whoops! I forgot “we ARE as happy . . .
I’m so glad to hear that your daughter is doing well. It must be difficulty for mother to go through medical process and treatment with Aimee. I can relate to this beautiful poem as I have gone throughvups and downs, physically and mentally during the past several months. In August, my daughter got me a puppy…
So wonderful to read your blog, Debra. Stay well, stay strong.
Dear Debra Yes I totally understand the ups and downs! Especially at this time. You are all in our prayers. I loved poems they are usually very deep from within a person. May the Lord continue to give you peace and comfort in this emotional and very hard time. Much Love Debi
Thank you my dear friend, and I appreciate you, always!
Good to hear from you Debra, I had wondered how you were getting on in these turbulent times. Pleased to hear your daughter is doing well. best wishes Philip
Thank you so much, Philip. There were times this past season when I really didn’t think my energy and interest would return, but it did. We’re more resilient than we think, at times! I have missed knowing what others, my blogging friends, have been experiencing over the past several months. I always knew, even on our worst days, that others were going through very difficult times. Now I want to get caught up a bit. Thank you for your very kind words. Cancer treatments are brutal, everyone knows that, but my daughter has done so well. I’m relieved and grateful and we feel very fortunate. Time to go on living. Thank you, Philip.
It’s a great poem. Thank you for sharing it. I am glad to know your daughter is doing better.
Thank you Bridget! I’m glad you enjoyed the poem. And yes, all is moving along well. 🙂
I hope your daughter has made a full recovery now, Debbie. I popped back to see if there was any ‘news’. It’s not easy to know the state of affairs in other countries. Some appear gay and free, others closed and shuttered. We in the Algarve fall somewhere in the middle. Free as the air, but worried in case it’s contaminated! I’m finding it hard to celebrate Christmas as it becomes increasingly clear that I can’t go ‘home’, but my youngsters are healthy and working and for that I give huge thanks. May you find peace this festive season and joy in our world. 🙂 🙂
I re-read your poem (and your post) again. Sure hope things are better for your daughter, and you all are safe. Your attitude is inspirational, and I send you a huge hug. xo
Debra, I am so glad to read that Aimee (and you) are doing well. I know times like these are trying — and the added “layer” of Covid is just adding to the tension and stress. Presently, we are tackling our own family health issue, so I’m keenly aware of how Covid intrudes on every decision and question. Although I’m not much for poetry, this particular poem had such rich imagery that I thought of my own road — and we keep moving forward one step at a time. Be well — and I’m thrilled to see your writing again. 🙂
Dearest Debra. I missed this post in October. What an insightful and strangely inspiring poem. Thank you for sharing. I do understand and continue to pray for you and the family. Much love to you. Judy
I really enjoyed your poem
It was not what I expected to find tonight when I came here from Restless Jo’s blog. I am delighted and feel as if I could sit and listen to your take on the layers of this poem and wouod love to know more – so good
And this was a top takeaway :
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me…”
—
The play on the sky elements – moon and clouds – and the
Sensory stuff with hearing a voice or feeling the dark
Mmmmm
Tasty good stuff
I agree with Frank, this poem we can all relate to. It sure touched my home base, It’s been some strange months for sure, but somehow life keeps going on. Wish you all the best, Debra,
Thank you, Otto. I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner, and somehow hadn’t seen your response. I absolutely loved this poem and find the poet someone I can typically relate to. Strange months…long year, right? I hope you and your family continue to be well.
Yes, thank you we are. And I hope likewise for you and your family.