I was sitting in our favorite spot in the backyard thinking deep thoughts and wishing I could pick up and head to the beach. The ocean’s edge is my favorite sunset viewing station. I needed the infusion of tranquility that sunsets always provide me.

Our backyard is cloaked in trees and the best that I can usually do is “feel” the sun setting through the canopy of our huge oak.

I was lost in wishing when I changed my visual orientation and noticed the shadows playing against the east side of the house.

A slight shift in perspective and there was my sunset!

We’ve done a lot of shifting since my last post.

My 54-year old stepson transitioned earlier this week from the pain of pancreatic cancer to an unanticipated quick release into peace. His heart just stopped working.  It was sooner than expected, but we recognize mercy when we see it.

Family is arriving from out of town and I have a husband to attend to, as well. Jeffrey was his firstborn. There is a need for a whole lot of sitting on the patio and watching the shadows.

You are a compassionate bunch. I was going to close comments, more for your sake than mine, but I don’t seem to have the capacity to figure that out. What can you really say? The one thing I know for sure is that each and every person understands sea-change as we let go of those we love.

I’m going to take what will probably be a very  short blogging break. But when I return I think you might enjoy knowing a little more about my relationship with Jeffrey.

I’ll tease with this. I was  19 when I married his father and Jeffrey was 7. We had primary custody and I functioned daily as his parent. You do the math. Think I might have some stories?

Oh do I! Shall I tell on myself?

Be well, my friends. I’ll be back very soon.











28 thoughts on “Denouement

  1. Sorry for your loss, Debra ~ Jeffrey’s been a part of your life for many sunsets. Hope you enjoy a seaside sunset soon. Peace.

    And, yes! Do tell . . .

  2. Karen

    Ah, Debra, I am so very sorry for this loss to your family. Sometimes sitting, watching shadows, and enjoying precious memories is the best any of us can manage. And, that is enough. Hugs.

    Looking forward to the tales to come. ❤️

  3. Catherine Wade

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your stepson. Peace be to you and the rest of the family. Love you my friend.

  4. This was a lovely start to what I hope you will continue to do…. share more about Jeffrey. I look forward to learning about him, AND you. 19 year old parent to a 7 year old. I look forward to the chaos that may have ensued. And the joy. And I am very sorry for your loss Debra. I hope for peace and comfort for all who loved Jeffrey.

  5. Anonymous

    Lots of love to you and your family! I would love to hear stories about Jeffrey. Such a young wife and stepmother.

  6. Beautiful Debra, how are things up there on the west coast ?
    I thought of you a lot during the terrible firestorms …
    Obviously you all came through OK – well, as OK as anyone can be having lived where things are burned.
    My oldest friend – a member of the family we were next-door neighbours with throughout my entire childhood – died in March. He had Alzheimer’s, and for all anyone knew (including her), his wife was going to have to put him in a relevant home ere long; but he had a sudden and totally unexpected stroke, and died. There is a little mercy left, it seems …

    1. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, M-R. It sounds like you began to “lose” him long before his final journey, given Alzheimer’s. I don’t know many people who don’t think of this as perhaps the cruelest of all diseases. That’s something about his stroke! I agree with you about that being merciful, although that’s a small mercy to those left behind. 😦

      And thank you for thinking of me during those fires. We weren’t in the affected area, but we knew people who lost everything. I have seen the areas and I still can’t believe it! Thank you for your kind words, M-R.

  7. Debra, it is always difficult to see someone grieving. But you, with your beautiful smile and cheerful outlook, are difficult to think of as being depressed. I was fearful after reading your last post about someone you cared about being gravely Ill, but had no idea that the person you were grieving for was your stepson. I am so desperately sad about this tragedy, and hope the support you feel from your family, friends and bloggers will bring some comfort.

  8. Dear Debra, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your grieving with “lie gentle” on your mind. Two dear friends of mine recently died and one blogger sent me a comment in which she said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, but smile because it happened.” I have found that helpful for I’ve discovered in the past ten years or so that to live in gratitude is to be entwined with contentment. And that is a gift to share with your husband. A gift only you can offer. Peace.

  9. My heart goes out to you for this unimaginable loss. You have such grace, being able to write about this loss so soon, and with such beauty and clarity. I’m holding you in my heart, Debra, and will keep you in my thoughts. Sending love to you and to all who loved Jeffrey. xo Alys

  10. Anonymous

    Dear Debra
    I am so sorry for your loss of your Stepson. I pray that you will receive Gods comfort and peace as only He can give. My heart hears your cry and sorrow. Much Love and prayers Deb

  11. There will always be sadness even when you have been prepared for the worst for some time – Nothing really prepares us does it. I hope you are well and bearing up. I guess when you come to tell your stories it will be a chance to remember all the happy times – at least I hope so!

    I also hope you’re all keeping safe – just seen the news about today’s earthquake and the damage across California 😦

  12. Perpetua

    So sorry to hear about your loss, Debra. My deepest sympathy to you both. Losing a child or a stepchild is not the natural order of things and my heart goes out to you.

    1. Thank you so much, Bruce. It’s been a difficult summer, but also a time for family to pull together and we’ve had some loving times, too. I hope your summer has gone well…being out of the blogosphere can open up time for other things. You’re very kind.

I always enjoy hearing from you!

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